Journaling

I've been journaling consistently since...let me get my journal...June 9th. I've tried to journal before, but that always ended up being one really long entry every 4-6 months, usually about a girl I was particularly distraught / excited about at the time. Things would have changed significantly by my next entry and what I'd written before would seem irrelevant. Feeling that my previous entries were silly reduced my desire to journal and even cause me to edit/delete some previous entries. I'm pretty sure that's a journaling sin, but I didn't care.

This time around, I don't try to create a full list of everything that's going on in my life. I put down a thing or two that I did, how I'm feeling (generally), and why. I don't worry about having to provide the whole background on someone if I mention them...basically, this time I'm writing my journal for me and not for others to read. The thing that's most helped me write consistently was the realization that entries don't need to be really long. In fact, some days I have just written "Too tired to write today. Stayed up late watching a movie."

I have once again noticed, even in the few weeks I've been journaling, that entries from previous days can seem silly at first. Sometimes I'll read about a strong emotion from the week (or day) before that then faded into another emotion, which then faded into an entirely different one; things that were really important one day seemed trivial from a different perspective; issues I was worried about resolved themselves; my feelings towards others invariably change as I spend more time with them.

However, this time around I see these my changes relative to previous entries in a different light. Rather than seeing previous entries as irrelevant, they have taught me something very valuable about myself. They've taught me that emotions, thoughts, and feelings are by their very nature transitory. That means that I may feel very lonely, hopeless, or depressed today, and that's ok. Those emotions are very real and I can have them and write about them; however, I know that they won't be around forever. At the same time, when I feel very connected, excited, or peaceful, that's ok too. I should appreciate those emotions, as they too will fade. And when they do fade, I don't need to freak out, get angry, or try to force them back into my life...they'll come back. They always have before.

In a sentence: Appreciate life for what it is at the moment, while recognizing that it won't stay that way for long.

Picture from here.