Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The lamest excuse...

Ok, this might not actually be the lamest excuse, but it is pretty lame. Ready for it? It's usually expressed like this: "I'm sorry I couldn't _____. I've been really busy." I know that I've used this excuse, and I also recognize that people are busy. I also feel that this excuse is particularly misleading because the truth is we always have time for our priorities. It's true. If you're not getting something done in the day, it's because you're doing something else instead. We all have 24 hours in every day. We can use those 24 hours how we choose. Sometimes we need to work on our time management skills and such, but that's just another question of priorities.

It's true that often times we have really important things to do. Some people have small children or sick people that they need to take care of, and most others "have to" go to school or work. I'm not saying that those things aren't important; all I'm saying is that we should acknowledge, at least to ourselves, that we're choosing to do those things. No one has to work or go to school or spend time with their family, but hopefully those are all things that we all choose to do in our lives.

It's empowering to recognize and acknowledge that we haven't been gotten something done because we chose to do something that was more important to us. It also makes us have greater appreciation for those other things we chose to do. And if, in retrospect, we feel lame when we realize that we didn't do something because we were playing video games or updating our status on facebook, that's a great opportunity to reevaluate our priorities and take charge of our lives.

The other thing that bothers me about that excuse is that it often seems like people are saying "I'm sorry" when they really don't mean it. Like if someone takes 3 days to call you back and says "I'm sorry, I've been really busy," and then the next time you call they take another 3 days and again apologize. It seems that if someone is really sorry, they wouldn't happen again and again. I find myself doing this as well, as I almost feel obligated to say I'm sorry. Why is that??

In short, I'm not really upset at the people for apologizing or for saying that they're busy, but if someone tells me "I'm sorry I couldn't ______. I've been really busy" I hear, "I'm sorry I didn't _______. I've been doing other things that are more important to me." And really, that's ok. As long as they're being honest with themselves.
Posted by Matt Chandler at 3:49 PM
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6 comments:

  1. Very true, and a little bit 1 Nephi 16:2-esque for me, just because I'm tempted to say "But for me it's not that updating my Facebook status (or whatever it might be) is more important than [insert something more productive here, meaning pretty much anything]. I just get lazy." But in reality I've found that my actions characterize my TRUE priorities, not just the ones I think I have. Some of those priorities are deep enough to be subconscious even, like my apparent priority to relax over do work.

    Or take tennis for example. I'll go through a lot of work to put together a tennis game because I'd rather play tennis than relax.

    So my question is how do you take an unhealthy subconscious priority like being lazy and push it down on the priority list? Because I don't feel like I'm an inherently lazy person, but once I get into a lazy mode it's hard for me to get out of it. Or does laziness maybe not count as a "priority" per se? I'll have to think about this more.

    Good post.
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  2. Then again I feel like I do an alright job doing more than nothing. I try to always be willing to help people out when they need it, and I don't use the excuse that I'm too busy. When I've got nothing else to do, I feel like I let people know that I'm free and ready to help them move/plan stuff/study for a subject that I understand well, etc.

    So maybe it's not that laziness is a high "priority" for me, but that working isn't high on my priority list right now. And like I said in my newest blog post, I'm alright with that.

    For now.
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  3. For me it's often easy to default to a lower priority than to choose between several more important activities. A really good example is in what I read: how much time do I spend reading my scriptures and textbooks, as opposed to reading novels and watching movies? The latter two certainly enrich my life, but the former two are much more important. This is where the whole good/better/best thing is helpful. I think one of the best things we can do to keep our life in order is write consistently about the things that are important to us, and plan out each day so that we are deliberate about ordering our priorities in actions as well as words.
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  4. I definitely agree with the whole idea that your actions kind of portray your subconscious priorities. Because there are a lot of things I wish I did more of. Things I wish I "had time" for.

    I could make time. I could cut something else out, or trim it down. But I don't.

    But then there are things that I would stop everything for. The things that get me out of bed in the morning.

    I think that a lot of times, the things we do fit into a few categories:

    -things we just do because we should. We know they are important but maybe our heart isn't totally in it.

    -things we do because we are passionate about something. Something about it brings us so much joy that it's not a chore, but a privilege.

    -and somewhere in between, things that we begin because we know we should, but become more passionate about it in the middle.
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  5. isn't this the basis for the book "he's just not that into you"?

    (please note I am being silly.)
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  6. @Nicole - Silly as it is, it's also true. I haven't read the book, and the movie just focuses on how men do it, but the idea that individuals will (at least attempt to) continue contact if you're a priority feels right to me. For guys and girls.

    And I just read (today, actually) "Ten Things I Learned from Living with Men." Good stuff.
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