Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Relationships, trust, and the fear of getting burned

Today Thomas Sowell wrote an article that has a quality quote:
There is usually only a limited amount of damage that can be done by dull or stupid people. For creating a truly monumental disaster, you need people with high IQs.
I'm not going to link to the original post because I don't feel discussing the other points he made in the article. You can google it if you want. But I do think that this quote is true, and think it also relates to our emotional well-being.

Just like individuals with a high IQ and ability are more able cause monumental disasters than "dull or stupid people," the most severe emotional damage can only be caused by those we care about. Abuse by a loved one (or someone who should love us) is much more damaging than getting beat up by a stranger, your heart can't really be broken until you've given it to someone, and those who know us best know how to hurt us most, should they decide they want to.

This realization can lead us to hold back our love, keep things to ourselves, and guard our hearts. While this will prevent some heartbreak, it will also stop us from experiencing all that life has to offer. You cannot have the highs without the possibility of the lows, and unfortunately, the only way to learn if someone is trustworthy is by trusting them. This means that you will have to open up when you don't know if the other person will react how you hope, and sometimes you will be burned. It really is like they say in finance: high risk, high reward.

So what can we do to be more willing to take emotional risks? How can we bounce back when those we care about hurt us emotionally?
Posted by Matt Chandler at 1:42 PM
Labels: , , ,

4 comments:

  1. I'm right there with you Matt. Relationships involve a lot of risk and that's hard. But this where spirituality comes in.
    This comes from an Ensign article my mission president gave me when I went home by Kimberly Reid: Elder Zwick counseled young adults to 'take a risk in order to invest in eternal happiness. The risk is necessary'...Taking action demonstrates faith in the savior--faith in his power to heal us from disappointments and to create a more selfless disposition in our hearts.

    We can't guarantee the depression, heart ache, self doubt, or insecurity won't come from rejection or a break up, but we can have one relationship guaranteed to never break up... the one with our Savior... the healer of our hearts and guardian of our eternal happiness.

    Let's be honest, in the dark days that come with bad relationships, sometimes the depression seems to crowd out the hope. When we let that happen, our relationship with the Savior can seem far away. But from my experience, when we seek comfort, and keep doing the best we can, even if that's just getting out of bed in the morning, we will find the confidence we need to keep putting our hearts out there and continuing to take risks.
    ReplyDelete
  2. Great post, Matt. And great insights, Devany.

    It's interesting how hope can make us happy or depressed, depending on if we think it will be fulfilled. You're right. It's really hard to let ourselves take a risk and admit (even if only to our own hearts) how we feel. It makes me feel vulnerable, and I hate that feeling. And maybe the worst part of it all, if the situation doesn't turn out how we want it to, isn't the actual rejection...but the many rejections or scenes we rehearse in our heads while we're waiting for some kind of answer.
    ReplyDelete
  3. Your post is full of wisdom and sincerity. It always hurts more when you care. Thank you for adding your insights as well girls. Great source of guidance and information. Thanks, I really appreciate it.
    ReplyDelete
  4. I think you're completely right. This has been on my mind recently, and so I've been listening to "Standing Outside the Fire" on loop. And so I appreciate your flame analogy. I think that people who love more and love more freely are generally just subject to more pain, but in my opinion, IT'S WORTH IT.
    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)