Secrets to Raising a Happy Child

I really like these 7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child. (from Zen Habits)

They are:

1. Let your child know you are excited to see them when they enter the room.
2. Teach your child it’s okay to be bored.
3. Limit your child’s media.
   
4. Let your child know they are more important than work.
   
5. Let your child make a few of the rules.
   
6. Teach your child - don’t assume it’s all happening outside the house.
   
7. Model appropriate behavior.

I would add:

• Talk about important things with your child. Share with them some of your weaknesses and worries. Doing so will help them open up to you. When they do, listen to them and make sure they know you still love them. Don't try to fix them when they reveal their weaknesses, that just tells them that you think they're broken.
• Form family traditions. Family traditions help families grow close to one another by forming a sense of unity and companionship. They also provide constancy and for children.
• Allow your children to be responsible for their decisions. Yesterday I was talking with a friend about a youth camp he had volunteered as a counselor at. He said many of the kids couldn't get themselves up in the morning. His grandma then told a story about a mother whose child wouldn't get up in the morning. A counselor advised letting the child sleep in until they decided to get up. The mother responded "but I can't do that." "Why not?" asked the counselor. M: "She'd be late for school." C: "Let her be late for school." M: "What will I tell the school when they call?" C: "Tell her your daughter decided to sleep in."
  

I haven't raised children and don't know how well this last idea would work. I also know that there are some situations where it probably should not be applied. I do really like the idea and think that it's important to allow children to be responsible for their own decisions; otherwise the decisions they make aren't really theirs.

Heart vs. Head

I have the tendency to want to work everything in my life out logically. I want things I do to make sense, and expect that the decisions others make will make sense to me too, as they should make logical decisions which anyone would make with the same information they have. Society as a whole seems to take this same approach, with many making moral decisions based on the most logical explanation rather than based on their gut feeling about the issue. Einstein spoke about this value of logic over intuition. He said:

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

Relating this to the gospel, this quote made me think of the need to follow the guidance of the spirit when making my decisions. I think it's understandable that, when following the spirit, things may not always make perfect logical sense, and at the same time we will feel that what we are doing is right. Although it can be hard to handle those situations when they occur, the humility that comes from that sort of cognitive dissonance is a blessing in itself. Ultimately, we should get used to the Lord's will not always making sense to us in the moment. As the Bible says:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." (Isaiah 55:8)

On a personal note...

This isn't the usual kind of thing I talk about here, but a friend (from start something new) tagged me in a survey...so here goes!

What is your current obsession?

I have been one to obsess. Usually about girls I'm interested in (not in a creepy way, just in a normal way) or things I've bought or considering buying (probably comes from me being cheap and thinking about things so much before I buy them). I've been less obsessive recently, but my love of my new 13" Macbook Pro probably still qualifies as an obsession. Either that or journaling...I've been doing that every night for 2 1/2 weeks and I love it.

And there has been a girl I've been thinking about a lot...more in a she-keeps-popping-into-my-mind kind of way than in an obsessive way.

Coffee or tea?

Hot cocoa. Land O' Lakes makes a really good kind, even though I think of them as a butter company. It has big dark chocolate chunks in it that melt and form a thick, delicious, chocolatey goo at the bottom.

What's for dinner?

Tonight it was wedding reception food! My brother just got married, and they had delicious food at their reception.

What was the last thing you bought?

A Camel Bak. I plan on doing lots of hiking this summer. Or at least I like the idea of planning on that (as no actual plans are made).

What are you listening to right now?

The air conditioner. My parents are asleep in our hotel room, plus I usually don't think well enough to write while listening to music.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Peanut Butter Trails from the BYU Creamery. Or just Blue Bell ice cream from Texas (any kind), even though I've only had it once.

What is your favorite color?

Cougar blue. While I do love the BYU Cougars with all my heart, that's not why it's my favorite color...I just really like that shade of blue.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe?

My tan sketchers that have the elasticy-thing going through them instead of laces. They look a lot like these, but with a different color-scheme. Very comfortable shoes.

What is your dream job?

I want to help people. Often I feel like some jobs (like being President of the United States or a Supreme Court Justice) will allow me to better do that, and then I remember that helping people is all about individuals (by watching a movie like Les Choristes, for example) and think I should scrap law school and be an elementary school teacher. I'll probably fall in the middle of that spectrum and be very happy there as long as I can 1) help people lives through my work, and 2) be a great dad and husband.

How many times do you press the snooze button before you get up?

For a while after I got back from Spain I didn't set an alarm at all and would wake up between 7:00 and 8:00 every morning. It was fantastic. That sounds sarcastic, but I really enjoyed it a lot. Now I'm on a wedding trip and my whole clock is thrown off, so we'll see what happens when I get back home.

When I do set an alarm I usually hit snooze once, but it can become 2-3 times if I'm really tired and set it for earlier than necessary to do what I need to do. It's much easier if I use music to wake up.

Tagging!!
I like reading these from everyone, but now the five I'd be most interested in hearing responses from are...

Anemome
Invincible Summer
Insert Clever Blog Name Here
Laughter and Tears
The Eller Family

(I feel weird putting the titles of your blogs instead of your names, but it's already done, and we probably shouldn't live in the past anyway).

Edit: Spelling (I guess my spellchecker isn't working, and I can't spell "obsession" on my own).

Decluttering

Two weeks ago, my mom visited my apartment. When she saw my room, she was shocked. I've always had a clean room, but only in the sense that it's not dirty. However, my room has always been very cluttered, with books to read spread on the tables and floor, stacks of papers needing my attention, and once-worn clothes hanging from chairs, hooks, and doors.

During my internship in Spain, I loved the not-clutteredness of my room. In Spain it wasn't cluttered simply because I hadn't brought enough with me to my normal through clutter-job, but when I returned home I felt stressed when in my room. I wanted to change.

Fortunately, that very week Zen Habits posted A Simple Guide to Keeping Your Counters Clutter-free. The ultra-condensed version is have a home for everything (as my mom would always say) and that home can't be a flat surface (unless it's something like an alarm clock or desk lamp that belongs on a flat surface). But you should really read the post, it's excellent, and I can tell you from experience, it works.

Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist

Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist is a great blog. She has a post about abortions and careers that is an especially interesting read. It really applies to "giving up dreams" to have children at any point in ones life. Penelope's Guide to Blogging is also a great read.

If you're interested in my views on the issue, I'm very opposed to abortions and very much a fan of blogging. I've found for myself that "writing regularly is a path to self discovery." (as she said in her guide to blogging). I just wish I could write more better...

Grab bag

A bunch of links that I found interesting:

I hate unions. They may have produced net gains for a while, but now I'm convinced they do more harm than good. New York schoolteachers have given me another reason to hate unions. Update: Here is a news article talking about the same thing.

Spending less on health care is going to require that some people don't live as long. That's hard for some people to accept, but doctors aren't out behind hospitals burning money or anything. We have too few health care professionals in many places, so we can't pay doctors less without having more problems (and less health care) on that front (because if you pay doctors less, some of them will stop being doctors). Reduced health care costs would require not giving expensive medical treatment to some individuals, like heart pumps, which cost more than $500,000 per quality adjusted life year (QALY). More on QALYs here. (Rather economic-y).

Which side would oppose having an econ professor on the jury in a medical malpractice case? I bet the plaintiff (the one suing) was the one who wanted him out. But then again, he would know that economic studies have valued lives at about $3-5 million (if my memory serves me well) so maybe the defendants wanted him out for that. Of course, the prosecution would be explaining that to the jury anyway.

You've probably heard about the controversy over the possibly rigged election in Iran. This article is written by two guys who use statistics to show that it reported numbers were probably made up.

Tricking myself

Sometimes it's helpful to trick myself. For example, for the last few weeks I've been working two part time jobs. I like the work, it's interesting and isn't too much to do in a week or anything. However, it was taking me FOREVER to get the work done. I would "work" all day (not do anything fun), but really only get 2-3 hours of billable work done. Fortunately, this last week I (finally) met my supervisor for my internship and was able to get a desk / computer in the office, which really helps me be productive because I can just go there and get things done.

I then went and set a schedule with him so that I can go in early three days a week, stay until the early afternoon, and be DONE. Honestly, they probably wouldn't care if I didn't come in during those hours...when I proposed the time he was like "sure, whatever." But I don't want to test that; as long as I think that it really matters that I'm there that early and stay those hours I will get it done during that time and have so much more free time this summer.

So, yeah. Sometimes it's helpful to trick myself.

Touching.

I just read a touching essay titled Anger Mismanagement. It also deals with loving oneself, raising children, forgiveness, and being able to accept imperfections in ourselves and others.

Blogging

It seems a little odd to blog about blogging, but I've had a few conversations about blogging this past week, have been thinking about why I enjoy it, and thought I would share some of my thoughts.

I like blogging because it helps me notice things in my life. It's easy for days to pass without writing anything, so posting consistently requires that I pay attention to what's going on around me. Also, to write something that I feel is of any value, I have to think deeply about things. Much deeper than I would if I weren't trying to write something understandable. I like the deep, critical thinking that follows. Finally, my favorite thing about blogging is reading my friends' blogs. I love getting a glimpse into their thoughts, experiences, and insights, and often find them beautifully expressing truths that I hadn't understood until I read them in their blog.

These are some of the reasons I like blogging, but I know there are a lot more. What do you like most about blogging?

Dry humor.

These bumper stickers are hilarious to me. My humor is a little quirky though...don't be surprised if you don't laugh.

I'm grateful for...

I'm grateful for friends who ask thought provoking questions about things that I need to think about. Today this happened over lunch. Thanks, friend!

I was going to leave it there, but real quick, isn't it great how other people can help us see things in our lives that we don't observe? I think obvious one reason they can do this is because they are farther away from the situation and aren't as emotionally invested. Can you think of any other reasons they can do this? (Other comments on this topic as also welcome, of course).

30 Days to a Better Man

The Art of Manliness is a wonderful blog...definitely my 2nd favorite non-friend blog. It's all about improving yourself, family, and doing what's right. While some posts don't interest me, the majority are fantastic. For girls and guys, I'm sure.

Right now they're having a 30 Days to a Better Man program, where every day for thirty days they post something you can do to be a better man. So far the posts have been:

Day 1: Define Your Core Values
Day 2: Shine Your Shoes
Day 3: Find a Mentor
Day 4: Increase Your Testosterone (ok, maybe this one wouldn't be so great for girls...)
Day 5: Cultivate Your Gratitude
Day 6: Update Your Resume
Day 7: Reconnect with an Old Friend
Day 8: Start a Journal

If you're interested in this blog, I recommend the archives, which contain posts on important topics like Stop Hanging Out with Women and Start Dating Them, How to Leave the Perfect Voicemail, and most importantly, How to Survive a Bear Attack.

Relationships

I've done a little thinking about what it is that makes committed, healthy relationships so great. It seems to me that the best things about a relationship are:

• There's always someone you can focus on (who's not yourself). There's also a constant opportunity to serve someone else and think of ways that you can make their life more enjoyable. And service brings joy.
• You have someone who accepts you on your good days and your bad days...who loves you for who you are, while inspiring you to become better.
• You're part of a team, and have someone who you can work and scheme with.
  
• There's someone else you needs to.
• There's a sense of constancy and trust. If you feel you can depend on someone else to be there for you, it gives you confidence and helps you feel their love.

These are just a few of my thoughts...what do you think? What else would you add to this list?

Update: Even if you don't have anything to add, check the comments for some great additions to this list.

And I'm Back!!

So I'm now back home now and hope to be posting on a more regular basis. Just FYI.