Helping other communicate

Recently I wrote about communicating in relationships. Since then, I've thought about how you can help others open up and communicate their feelings with you. As I was brainstorming, I realized that I already wrote about this back in September. As always, feel free to comment.

The value of communication in relationships

On Christmas Eve we watched the old Christmas classic White Christmas. It's a quality flick, especially if you fast forward through the boring songs and only listen to the good ones. There are also lots of examples of the value of communication in relationships hidden throughout the movie

If you haven't seen it in a while, you might not remember these scenes. But the principles are always applicable. Betty and Bob's relationship (it sounds like those names are made up, and I guess they are. They just weren't too creative when writing the script I guess) almost went down the tubes (with Bob having no idea why) because Betty didn't communicate.

So what can we learn about communication from this movie?

1. Don't listen to gossip. And if you hear some, don't rely on it to form your opinions of others. You wouldn't want someone to do that to you.
   
2. If you hear/suspect/see something negative about someone you care about, before changing how you act towards them, talk about it. Maybe that thing isn't true. Or maybe they aren't aware about how it comes across to others. Or maybe they just need to see their actions from another perspective. At the very least, they would know why you started acting differently.
3. Give others the benefit of the doubt. We all make mistakes. You have. They have. Once again, you may just be  misinterpreting things.
4. Recognize the value of communication. Recognizing that the only thing that you could lose when communicating openly, honestly, and sincerely is your pride. Sure, it might confirm that your suspicions about the other person are true, but that gives you valuable information about them and also lets them know how their behavior affects you. Another barrier to communicating is just that it's hard. That's ok. All you need to do to start is...  
   
5. Make an effort to communicate. When I started writing this post, I was going to say that Betty was a terrible communicator. Then I realized that really she isn't a terrible communicator, she just didn't even try to communicate. Sure, her actions communicated "I'm not interested in you," but really that wasn't they issue at all. The message she sent wasn't consistent with her thoughts, probably because she didn't...
6.  Remember that other people can't read your mind. This one is super important. Because it's true. If you just start acting differently, they probably won't know why. It won't change anything, and expecting them to know why you're upset certainly won't help the situation.

This is just a quick summary, and I know there are a number of other points that could be added to the list. What would you add? I also know (from personal experience) that applying these principles is much harder than listing them. Do any of these stand out or remind you of any life experiences? Comment away!

A blog about...

I've been thinking for a while now that my blog needs to have a topic. And not the topic that used to be listed on top ("A blog discussing mindfulness, relationships, spirituality, and being a whole, integral individual.") Because that's not really a topic at all. It's too long.

I first thought that my blog needed to have a topic a few months ago while reading the easiest instructions for how to start a blog. I already had this blog going, but didn't have an official "this is what my blog is about" topic. I thought about it, but didn't decide on a topic or do anything about it.

Then in beginning of October I read that blogs without topics are a waste of time. And I agreed with what it said. That's not to say that you can't have a personal blog that has the topic "what I did today" or "one (really cute) picture from each day we're married." My blog just isn't one of those.

So, from now on the topic for this blog will be: awareness in relationships. Both relationships with ourselves (especially related to mindfulness and connecting with our emotions) and relationships with others. I'll probably also write a lot about perspective, as it influences our relationships.

Now the question is, what can I learn from the three month gap posts? Well, I had a decision that I needed to make, and I put it off because it was a hard decision. In retrospect, if I couldn't really have picked a "wrong" topic, as I could have just change it later. If I had realized why I was delaying the post, I could have written this post long ago and seen if it worked out back then.

So - when you're putting something off, find out why. Even if you decide not to do it yet, it will be your decision. Thoughts about this? Relationships? Blogging?