Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Compliments

I was thinking more about our need to be heard, recognized, and acknowledged, specifically, about how I can better hear, recognize, and acknowledge those around me. I realized that giving someone a compliment is probably the easiest way to do recognize them and help them feel acknowledged and appreciated. I always knew that compliments were important, but had never really thought about how a compliment is really just acknowledging someone else or something that he / she does.

While all compliments are great, those that are specific help others feel especially recognized and appreciated. Saying "you're always so helpful" is nice, but saying "it was great how you ______" or "I love how you ________," referring to specific instances, helps even more.

And now that I this out, those compliments sound contrived. I guess that's because they are.
Posted by Matt Chandler at 7:24 PM
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3 comments:

  1. Great posts - you're obviously thinking a lot about this, and I've enjoyed thinking about it as I've read. The last line of this post made me want to look up the exact definition of the word, and I found out that "artificial" and "strained" as aspects of the meaning of the word "contrived" are denotative, not connotative. Specific compliments do often need to be planned, but not always, and I don't think they're usually contrived. I also think that a person can get in the habit of giving specific compliments by practicing, thus reducing even a planned-but-still-sincere feeling and hopefully altogether avoiding contrived compliments.
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  2. Exactly. I don't think compliments ever need to be contrived. However, the two that I listed as examples felt artificial and strained when I re-read them. But they were made up, so I guess it's fitting =)
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  3. So glad you're back, Matt! I love reading your posts.
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