Compliments

I was thinking more about our need to be heard, recognized, and acknowledged, specifically, about how I can better hear, recognize, and acknowledge those around me. I realized that giving someone a compliment is probably the easiest way to do recognize them and help them feel acknowledged and appreciated. I always knew that compliments were important, but had never really thought about how a compliment is really just acknowledging someone else or something that he / she does.

While all compliments are great, those that are specific help others feel especially recognized and appreciated. Saying "you're always so helpful" is nice, but saying "it was great how you ______" or "I love how you ________," referring to specific instances, helps even more.

And now that I this out, those compliments sound contrived. I guess that's because they are.

Heard, Recognized, Acknowledged.

There is something inside of each of us that longs to be heard, recognized, and acknowledged. Whenever I feel that others don't know what's going on in my life but am not really ready to talk about it with anyone in particular, I get this sudden desire to go update my facebook status. Or change my profile picture to match my mood. Or tweet something that hints about how I'm feeling. Or blog. I think that the desire to be heard, recognized, and acknowledged is what drives use of all that social networking stuff.

Feeling heard, recognized, and acknowledged is also important in relationships. And I would add feeling appreciated. When I do something nice for someone I care about, I don't expect them to reciprocate or change how they act towards me or owe me or anything. But I love it when they recognize what I did and I can see that it made them happy. It's even better when they still acknowledge and appreciate what I did a few days later.

Finally, I've always thought that mutual respect is important in relationships. Thinking about all the rest of this, I realized that if you respect someone you will recognize them, listen to them, and acknowledge them. So, to improve your relationships, make an effort to hear, recognize, acknowledge, and appreciate those around you. And if you feel that someone else doesn't hear, recognize, or acknowledge you, well, that's good to recognize. Maybe when you talk to them about why things aren't quite working in your relationship, you describe why with greater specificity.